Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
