I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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