I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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