my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
