I heard we made out
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize