This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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