The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The uberlube is also flammable
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
