You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize