So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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