I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
