remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
