I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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