You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
