im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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