You can't special order awesome
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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