I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
