i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
