Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize