The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My pussy is not your playground.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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