i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
