just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
