Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
