I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
