Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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