if you like me you must not know who I am
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
