I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize