You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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