so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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