no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
