....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
