I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
