I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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