why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
