I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
