I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
