can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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