I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
