I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
