we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You ruined the universe
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
