And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
