I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
