you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You have to summon your inner elephant
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
