Quick, to the slutcave!
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
