my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
