just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The best revenge is premature balding
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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