38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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