Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
