Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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