I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You can't motorboat a personality
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
then he tried to convert me to islam
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
