I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
