Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
In America we eat man semen.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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