The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
