Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
