I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize