OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
