That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
