I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
