I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
