She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
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