The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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