I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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