We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
