Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
