so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
