if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
