I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
