I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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