I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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