Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
