You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
