Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
