'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
