anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
