next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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