Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
