My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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