I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
