then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
