i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
