The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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