i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
