The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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