All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
