Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My penis needs a shock collar
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
