who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
